I assure you that it has not been weeks since my last post, it only feels like that, and only if you believe that time is real and measurable, and you don’t believe all that, do you? Alright, alright. So it has been a while, and the previous sentence was silly.

Nothing too exciting has happened in the past few weeks, I’ve just been battling with depression. This is not news, exactly, and let’s not bring down the mood by dwelling on it, because that’s what probably got me there in the first place. That and my brain, I suppose, but I’m not going to fault a bunch of gray matter. One thing I will say is that when I am depressed, ord. in the d. (down in the dumps), I feel drastically less creative than when I am just bummed, or annoyed, which is the typical state under which I operate.

This all makes me wonder about the stereotype of the dark, mentally ill artiste (artiste: “a person with artistic pretensions,” moi, bien entendu), harnessing his/her manic thoughts into a masterpiece. When I am depressed, I mostly stare blankly and say, “I don’t know….” a lot. Where is my creative prize for dealing with myself? I would like it. I would like it here, and I would like it now.

Enough about all that. Last weekend, Vince and I escaped the city on the illustrious L.I.R.R. and took a trip to Long Beach for some beach fun. Somewhere along the way, an old couple sat near us, and as soon as the woman unwrapped a few hard candies, I knew there would be trouble. And there was. Judging by the sounds coming from the mouths of these people, I can only assume that they were eating Warheads, or that neither of them had ever been taught how to eat. Everyone knows that I am not a fan of extraneous, intrusive noise, and food noises are very near the top of my List of Things I Hate. The smacking of lips and gross saliva sounds soon sent me over the edge. I gave Vince a look that he understood, and quickly took out my headphones and started listening to music.

Later, Vince told me that while I was busy practicing escapism, the lady of the couple was talking insane trash on me. He heard her say, “Tattoos and iPods, we’re so outta the loop! People don’t even talk to each other anymore,” etc. I won’t repeat the rest, because I don’t remember it, and also because that old bag doesn’t deserve the press.

It is both good and bad that I didn’t hear her. Good because I don’t find the idea of getting into an argument with an old lady attractive or flattering. The last time I got into a fight with an old lady was at P.S. 1 last summer when my mom was visiting, and not only did I feel stupid (even though I was totally right and she was nothing but a mean ol’ bitch), but I also now refuse to ever go back to P.S. 1, which I’ve heard can be lovely, but actually really sucks.

On the other hand, I regret not having the chance to tell the woman that I am not the hip, totally tatted out, disconnected iPod devotee that she took me for, and that if she and her husband had not been sucking on their candy-like pigs, I would have been fine without listening to the music I was listening to only to drown out their disgusting mouth noises. And, had I said that to this old woman, I would have felt really great for five or so minutes, followed immediately by burning shame. But oh, how good that good would have felt.

The problem is that I am conflicted with the whole “respect your elders” thing. My mom is big on it, and I think it’s generally a very good rule of thumb. If an ancient man is slowly inching up the stairs in front of me, I am not going to say, “Move it, oldie!” no matter how much I might be thinking it. But, there are loads of assholes in the world, and some of them are old…it’s a scientific fact.

I usually really like old people. They’ve got great stories that they never seem to think are that great or impressive, and that they usually recount in beautiful detail. And a lot of old people are super-funny. Old couples, especially. My own grandparents are an old couple, and they’re great. Then again, they know how to eat food, and they don’t talk shit on me, so those are two huge things they have going for them, in addition to countless others.

Mary, the “mom”

People are upset and angry; they’re petitioning their representatives; they’re writing letters to the editor. Why? The choice for the 2009 high school play! A few weeks ago, the high school drama department announced that the 2009 play would be Rent: School Edition. My reaction went along the lines of “Cool, something different; a little edgy”. Boy, am I naïve! This week, our small town newspaper features a cover story about how upset people are and how they’re petitioning the school boards to prevent this play and a letter to the editor encouraging citizens to contact the high school and express their dismay.

I am well aware that I am a tad more liberal than the average middle-class suburbanite, even in New Jersey, but I just didn’t realize the extent of the divide. People are signing a petition because they are upset about high school kids being exposed to themes such as homosexuality, drug abuse, HIV/AIDS, promiscuity, etc. I, on the other hand, see only good from exposing them to these themes. Maybe they’ll be more tolerant of the peer who “comes out of the closet”, or more cognizant of the risk of AIDS/HIV and the dangers of promiscuity and drug abuse. I want my teenagers exposed to these themes, not sheltered from them. Am I off base? What does the rest of the family think?

Rach, the “older teen”

My high school did Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. The total body in our rendition of the play was well over ten. Ten high school students pretended to get murdered then eaten on stage. I was the stage manager, and we sold out almost every show. It was a hit, people loved it!

In case you don’t know, Sweeny Todd was a barber who killed people, then his girlfriend made them into meat pies – it’s a true story, he killed hundreds then fed them to fellow Londoners, but is significantly less famous than Jack the Ripper, who only killed five.

If my high school did Rent, there would be a lot of angry parents. I find this incredibly disturbing. Homosexuality, sex, and drugs are all considered less school appropriate than murder and cannibalism? That’s messed up. Being open and honest about sex and all types of sexuality is a good thing, murder is not. I believe that teens (and tweens) should be well educated (really educated, not just told to “say no”) about sexuality, pregnancy, and drugs.

Of course, I take a stand that most don’t seem to agree with. We let our kids watch the nightly news filled with murders, rapes, and fires – but we won’t let our kids watch movies that have naked people in them? Gosh, we sure live in a seriously messed up society.

Brad, the “dad”

This part of the family is sick-to-death-tired of people sticking their collective heads in the sand. “Exposing their children to homosexuality, drug abuse, HIV/AIDS, and promiscuity”? What, as they’ve never heard of these things before?

I admit we live in a far more urban, and some would say more ’sophisticated’ environment. To me, there’s nothing sophisticated about it. It’s just the world, and what with mass media, free and easy travel, and the global economy it seems to be pretty much the same all over. And I’ve had too many friends die of AIDS, seen too many have unwanted pregnancies and unhappy marriages, suffered from too many friends who’ve had drug problems or died of overdoses to think that avoiding “exposure” to any of the above, pretending to be unaware of them, would do anything but make matters worse. Ignorance does not breed anything but grief.

And they’re not too young. We weren’t “too young” thirty years ago when I was in high school; we just pretended we were. The first suicide I was ‘exposed’ to was back in high school. So were the first instances of promiscuity. And drug abuse. And alcohol abuse. And one of my best friends in high school “came out” in college, and two others died within the decade from HIV. Mostly because, you know, we didn’t TALK about “gay cancer” back then. And in this case, not talking about it killed them.

I know these people think that RENT somehow ‘celebrates’ these lifestyles simply by showing that some people who are gay or sick or making bad decisions still have some element of dignity and potential for happiness in the face of tragedy; that they have some fragment of hope in their lives despite everything. But RENT doesn’t make any of these challenges look particularly attractive. I can’t imagine anybody leaving the show and thinking, “Oh, boy, I sure wish that was ME!” So what’s the problem? That it’s not Annie? Or Sound of Music? No, wait, we can’t go there: Rodgers and Hammerstein might expose them to themes involving fascism, anti-authoritarianism, and people of other, less desirable, religious faiths.

Sheesh.

If you asked me, RENT shouldn’t just be allowed in your school. Attendance should be mandatory. And then they should take it on the road and bring it to OUR schools.

Sorry. That REALLY annoyed me. Probably because I’ve fought this same fight in middle schools and high school over and over and over. And like I said: I’m sick-to-death-tired of it.

Enjoy the show. It’s great.

Lauren, the “younger teen”

In EVERY high school, there are teens who are having sex, there are kids doing drugs, there are homosexual kids, and so on. (Gasp!). So, show teens how dangerous HIV/AIDS are and how important safe sex is. Let teens truly understand that there’s a reason that most drugs are illegal. Drugs are dangerous! Being homosexual is hardest during the teen years. Help those students understand they’re not alone. Doing a play is a much better way to teach these topics to teens rather than sitting in a stuffy health classroom. Also, it makes something very dangerous, such as AIDs, which most teens say “can’t happen to me”, more realistic.

Some parents know kids do these things but think “not my child”. Some parents are completely oblivious and think teens are innocent children. So many parents are unaware in one way or another of what’s going on in their teen’s life. So I think it’s the perfect play to help both the students and parents to understand and make them more aware.

Brad, the “dad”

The Elf is having a great time in her first month as a high school student. She’s even made a good new friend, and I’m happy about that – really I am. But just last week, at her first Back-to-School Night, I met the New Friend’s parents…

…and that’s when the trouble started.

I can’t stand them. Can’t STAND them. The way they treat their daughter, their opinions about the school, their politics – heck, their taste in clothing. From the moment I met them, it was one of those things, one of those vibes. I knew in an instant that this was not going to go well.

I managed to remain bland and non-committal throughout the conversation. I managed to dodge the invitation for a barbecue and I thank the gods of commuting that our carpool is already full. But here’s the question: how much should I trust the daughter? How much should I encourage (or discourage) this particular friendship? After all, if the parents are this repellent to me, how can they produce a truly healthy child? Shouldn’t I do my best to slowly, slowly ease the Elf away from this particular friend and towards someone more appropriate? More beneficial? Or at least one with parents I don’t want to throttle?

Or is it possible I’m just being a teeny bit selfish?

Mary, the “mom”

Don’t do it, “Dad”! Don’t discourage. Don’t ease the Elf away from New Friend. Let it be.

First, as we’ve talked about here before, it’s generally not a good idea to try and tell your kids who to be friends with. It often backfires. If you believed the friend herself was a bad influence, I might condone trying to ”ease away”, but it doesn’t sound like this is the case. On the other hand, you don’t have to encourage the friendship and you certainly shouldn’t subject yourself to her parents’ company, if you don’t want to.

Second, kids aren’t always a reflection of their parents. Sometimes, as parents, this bothers us. But, thinking about it from the perspective of the New Friend, I would have hated for someone to make judgments about me based upon their opinion of my father. There is no way anyone could divine anything about my beliefs and values from my father’s politics or how he dressed or even how he talked to me.

So, my advice is don’t discourage the friendship, but don’t encourage it either. And, try to give New Friend a chance. Maybe the Elf sees something you don’t because you couldn’t see past her parents.

Rach, the “teen”

I agree with “Mom” – don’t ween your daughter off this friend. You taught the Elf well, so she should be able to judge if the friend is a good addition to her growing army of teenage girls. Likewise, if this friend turns out to be iffy, she’ll know how to break it off.

Anyway, my parental units don’t know any of my friend’s parents. It’s not hard to avoid the friend’s un-cool parents. And if you really don’t want your daughter to be influenced by the friend’s parents, that’s easy: just get the friend to always hang at your house, and insist on you picking them up and dropping them off. More driving for you, but it might be worth it.

Don’t forget, everyone has messed up parents. And no one deserves to be judged by what their families are like.